i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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