you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize