i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
