Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We had sex on a dog bed..
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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