for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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