dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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