I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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