everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
