Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
