so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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