lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
