I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
