you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
