Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
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They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
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If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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