Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
