I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
