I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
this is an emotional support booty call
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
