Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I need a burrito and a hug.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
