So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Found the puke drawer
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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