i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
