South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I think my moral compass just broke
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