I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
