Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
