Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
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There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
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The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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