i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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