totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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