I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
