Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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