Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
