i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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