Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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