Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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