I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
