You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
