i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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