just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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