Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
