That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
