3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
