I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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