matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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