the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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