I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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