so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
