I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm like, not good at living.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
