Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
