even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
