so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
