My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
