I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize