Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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