yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize
