Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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