He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
