there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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