well I can't set my house on fire every night
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
