It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
