So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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