I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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