got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Did I show you my penis last night?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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