Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
ttyl tear gas
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
