well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
