Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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