to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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