If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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