Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
