So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Can you bring me the toilet please
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
