You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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