i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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