Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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