I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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