i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
