he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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