I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
