i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
im six kinds of drunk right now
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
