Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This is classic penis vs brain.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
