Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
