You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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