I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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