he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
