I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
