She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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