I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
