You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
