Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
